Friday, September 23, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Hurricanes, squeaky beds, and new neighbors
Officially met our new neighbors this evening. They have the Bibb seal of approval by calling Nike a slut in our first conversation. We didn't get their approval quite so easy however, and a certain roommate had to prove that a small wooden bed can actually fit two people. Turns out it can, but only with excessive amounts of squeaking and creaking.
Hurricane Irene hits Maine tomorrow morning. I hope it carries away Nike just like in the Wizard of OZ.
Also Charles has fleas and Vallo has Chlamydia.
Hurricane Irene hits Maine tomorrow morning. I hope it carries away Nike just like in the Wizard of OZ.
Also Charles has fleas and Vallo has Chlamydia.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
6 single average penis sized men
Wow its been awhile since this has been updated. But we have had some major news and excitement over the last week or so. A summer that started with 3 single men and 3 not single men has slowly but surely turned into 6 single men. That is correct every single gentleman who lives in the Glenwood Estate is now single and looking to mingle. So ladies come on down and meet your stunningly average bachelors:
1) The first young man comes from a small town in upstate Maine, so don't ever ask him for directions (not even counting his lack of licsense). He is probably best known for his surprisingly average sized and dark penis. If your looking for someone who can't quite close the deal and has a tendency to get caught at second base alot, then this is your man.
2) Our second young boy is a newly minted 21 year old. From a small town in Vermont (for real you won't have cell service) he actually once dated the devil and came out alive. Attempting to start the trend of long, tight underwear if you wanna see his package stop on by anytime. If you need someone to whisper sweet nothings about physics then this is your man.
3) Thirdly is the other Maine-ah in the house. If you need someone to buy you tons of books on world philsophizing or Islamic politics and then not read them, step right up. Also don't expect him to cook you any Salmon. He has already cooked the worlds best Salmon and won't be able to match that performance ever again.
4) Lucky number 4 is from the same small town in Vermont. Unbelieveably good at math, he knows exactly how much he will have to work to pay for everything. Fresh teeth and an average size penis makes this man a winner.
5) This guy comes from the great state where you have 2 options either Live Free or Fucking Die. He is a twin which means while in his mothers womb he didn't eat his brother so hes automatically the nice guy and never the alpha male. Dirty facial hair and chylamida make this young man a catch.
6) Finally is just an average joe with an average sized penis from an average town in New York. But he knows black people. If you love someone who loves to bitch about anything and everything then he is your man.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
My job
In recent news, my boss loves me and I am in no danger of getting fired. As far as I know. So SUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love,
Benjamin John Manning
p.s. I'm being paid to post this right now.
Love,
Benjamin John Manning
p.s. I'm being paid to post this right now.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
"Chewing Gum"
Had the first ever Glenwood Ave Pictionary night this week. Team Vermont (consisting of Ben and I) just barely fell short in a tight game against Vallo and Andrew. Both teams were stuck on the final all-play for 4 turns. Seeing as how Vallo and Andrew are known for their extraordinary Pictionary skills (also for having a dog that has diarrhea on the floor and then pisses on you when you try to pick her up), we aren't too disappointed. Ben was definitely MVP of the match though; how anyone can guess whatever the hell I'm trying to draw is beyond me. He did however repay my terrible drawing skills with a hilarious depiction of "chewing gum" 
Ben, his woman, and I saw X-Men Saturday morning. Despite having a few cheesy moments it was very good. Also had another barbecue this weekend. We were planning on a bonfire too but it rained. Speaking of rain, I have to pis yet again. I am so glad I moved my bed by the window. The neighbors probably wonder why we get random rain showers on the roof in the middle of a clear night, or why there is one patch of grass to the left of the porch that always grows faster than everything around it.
Ben, his woman, and I saw X-Men Saturday morning. Despite having a few cheesy moments it was very good. Also had another barbecue this weekend. We were planning on a bonfire too but it rained. Speaking of rain, I have to pis yet again. I am so glad I moved my bed by the window. The neighbors probably wonder why we get random rain showers on the roof in the middle of a clear night, or why there is one patch of grass to the left of the porch that always grows faster than everything around it.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Nightly Sounds
We haven't had the best luck with mother nature so far this summer. Last week one of the trees near the house got struck by lightening. Saylor was staying at our abode for the night and was just falling asleep when it hit. Apparently he thought we were in the middle of a tornado and figured it would be safer in the basement. I've never seen anyone run that fast.
First weekly barbecue at the house last night in the middle of a rainstorm. Ended up grilling in the garage. Quite the meal of sausage, dogs, corn on the cob, and steak. Had people over afterwords for some shenanigans. I nominate Pickles for wingman of the year.
On a completely unrelated note, my new goal for the summer of 2011 is to find and tame the fisher cat we have behind the house. About every other night it is screaming its head off, awakening me from my slumber and taunting me to do something about it. I've never hunted fisher cat before, but I am reasonably sure that I would need some sort of tracking beast to get the job done. We currently have 2 animals at our residence, a medium sized half crazy dog and a very tiny black cat. Anyone who has seen the dog in action would agree that my best chance for success lies with the cat.
First weekly barbecue at the house last night in the middle of a rainstorm. Ended up grilling in the garage. Quite the meal of sausage, dogs, corn on the cob, and steak. Had people over afterwords for some shenanigans. I nominate Pickles for wingman of the year.
On a completely unrelated note, my new goal for the summer of 2011 is to find and tame the fisher cat we have behind the house. About every other night it is screaming its head off, awakening me from my slumber and taunting me to do something about it. I've never hunted fisher cat before, but I am reasonably sure that I would need some sort of tracking beast to get the job done. We currently have 2 animals at our residence, a medium sized half crazy dog and a very tiny black cat. Anyone who has seen the dog in action would agree that my best chance for success lies with the cat.
Skermishes, Girls, and Charizard
It's been a while without a post, so here is the first one of many.
In the time that this blog has been established a lot has happened. I missed the first argument of the house between Pickles and Vallo against Bibb. I received bits and pieces of the argument via incoherent text messages. The day I come back to Maine, keeping in mind that my grandparents drove me back up, I walk into the apartment and there it is in all its glory, a hustler and an empty beer box on the floor. Fortunately the beer bottles were cleaned up from the night before from LePage, Sam Hutchinson and company. From what I've heared, Sam Hutchinson is permanently on the Ban list. I'm pretty sure my grandparents were oblivious though, thank god.
The day I got back to Maine I continued playing Pokemon and enjoying CABLE, that 5 out of 6 roommates pay for... Vallo and I, accompanied by Graveler and Charizard, more or less beat Pokemon Red in 16 hours because we were Pokemon trainers in our past lives. Needless to say I've been distracted from doing homework so I've noticed the smaller things that occur around the house. For instance, there is this animal that pisses when its happy, sad, excited, tired, angry, and even bitter. Speaking of bitter, Pickles has been quite bitter, but I guess it's explainable since he got smoked in darts and disk golf. He just can't let it go, very bitter.
The night of Heidi's Grad party, we had a bbq and had friends come over, including guest appearances by Angelina Jolie and Hannah Doss. One was much louder than the other.... I have a hunch that within a week or 2 they'll both be screaming like seagulls at the same time.
In the time that this blog has been established a lot has happened. I missed the first argument of the house between Pickles and Vallo against Bibb. I received bits and pieces of the argument via incoherent text messages. The day I come back to Maine, keeping in mind that my grandparents drove me back up, I walk into the apartment and there it is in all its glory, a hustler and an empty beer box on the floor. Fortunately the beer bottles were cleaned up from the night before from LePage, Sam Hutchinson and company. From what I've heared, Sam Hutchinson is permanently on the Ban list. I'm pretty sure my grandparents were oblivious though, thank god.
The day I got back to Maine I continued playing Pokemon and enjoying CABLE, that 5 out of 6 roommates pay for... Vallo and I, accompanied by Graveler and Charizard, more or less beat Pokemon Red in 16 hours because we were Pokemon trainers in our past lives. Needless to say I've been distracted from doing homework so I've noticed the smaller things that occur around the house. For instance, there is this animal that pisses when its happy, sad, excited, tired, angry, and even bitter. Speaking of bitter, Pickles has been quite bitter, but I guess it's explainable since he got smoked in darts and disk golf. He just can't let it go, very bitter.
The night of Heidi's Grad party, we had a bbq and had friends come over, including guest appearances by Angelina Jolie and Hannah Doss. One was much louder than the other.... I have a hunch that within a week or 2 they'll both be screaming like seagulls at the same time.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Wildlife
Two new blog posts in a row, holy cow!
Speaking of cows, I love animals. We have a dog at Glenwood, her name is Evil Corporate Giant. Sometimes we have a kitten, not all the time though. There is also a pet fisher cat out in the woods of Glenwood. It's scary and sounds like a child bleeding out. It might eat Evil Corporate Giant someday.
I especially love wild animals. The great outdoors, that's where I was last night with Andrew and Bibb, before he stopped to poop. We ran Keene Farm Loop, the classic shorter than eight, but we call it eight mile loop. It was a nice night and we hammer jammered with some good yammering for a while after the first mile.
Just before we were going to roll down through Spruce Swamp Road we found a snapping turtle! It was old and slow looking and stuck in the sand by the swamp, trying to cross the road. I wanted to help it, but I'm not Jack Hannah and I may have had my fingers snapped right off!
Not too long later, only a few miles later we saw some deer on Osbourne! There was a mama deer and two baby deer. Andrew didn't see them, because he didn't have hawk eyes like mine, but Bibb may have smelled them or something. He's a good tracker like that, he once captured a live wild turkey with his bare hands. They ran back into the woods real quick, but it was cool to see.
After those two bafoons left me, I went out and added on two miles in Gorham Suburbia to get my 10 for the day. Out on Coach's Loop, sure enough I saw a coyote! I was lucky, those things don't come out too much. It was gray and gave me quite the look from the bushes next to the garage it was standing at. I don't know what it was doing so close to town, but after I left the scene I started to hear a small dog cry and bark and whimper. Hope the pup is alright!
Speaking of cows, I love animals. We have a dog at Glenwood, her name is Evil Corporate Giant. Sometimes we have a kitten, not all the time though. There is also a pet fisher cat out in the woods of Glenwood. It's scary and sounds like a child bleeding out. It might eat Evil Corporate Giant someday.
I especially love wild animals. The great outdoors, that's where I was last night with Andrew and Bibb, before he stopped to poop. We ran Keene Farm Loop, the classic shorter than eight, but we call it eight mile loop. It was a nice night and we hammer jammered with some good yammering for a while after the first mile.
Just before we were going to roll down through Spruce Swamp Road we found a snapping turtle! It was old and slow looking and stuck in the sand by the swamp, trying to cross the road. I wanted to help it, but I'm not Jack Hannah and I may have had my fingers snapped right off!
Not too long later, only a few miles later we saw some deer on Osbourne! There was a mama deer and two baby deer. Andrew didn't see them, because he didn't have hawk eyes like mine, but Bibb may have smelled them or something. He's a good tracker like that, he once captured a live wild turkey with his bare hands. They ran back into the woods real quick, but it was cool to see.
After those two bafoons left me, I went out and added on two miles in Gorham Suburbia to get my 10 for the day. Out on Coach's Loop, sure enough I saw a coyote! I was lucky, those things don't come out too much. It was gray and gave me quite the look from the bushes next to the garage it was standing at. I don't know what it was doing so close to town, but after I left the scene I started to hear a small dog cry and bark and whimper. Hope the pup is alright!
Shenanigans
Lets get moving again.
This past Saturday night I had a buddy and one of his buddies over. This buddy is of importance as a member of the Bates College track and field team. Not so much on their cross team.
Anyways we got together at Glenwood for the B's game and a few beverages. Well unfortunately the Bruins lost again (only to light up the Canucks for 8 goals on Monday night) but we still made the most of our night. Unfortunately this is where the blog post gets a bit fuzzy, mostly because I don't remember much of the night after.
But what I do remember is that I was at Sigma Nu for a little bit, went to 7/11 on three separate occasions buying cigars and porn, and got stopped by Swan on campus for wandering around after the consumption of liquids.
Whatever, it was a good time, and no harm was done. Fun to have a couple of NESCAC'ers around for the night, and bring at least an ounce of life back to Gorham for the night.
This past Saturday night I had a buddy and one of his buddies over. This buddy is of importance as a member of the Bates College track and field team. Not so much on their cross team.
Anyways we got together at Glenwood for the B's game and a few beverages. Well unfortunately the Bruins lost again (only to light up the Canucks for 8 goals on Monday night) but we still made the most of our night. Unfortunately this is where the blog post gets a bit fuzzy, mostly because I don't remember much of the night after.
But what I do remember is that I was at Sigma Nu for a little bit, went to 7/11 on three separate occasions buying cigars and porn, and got stopped by Swan on campus for wandering around after the consumption of liquids.
Whatever, it was a good time, and no harm was done. Fun to have a couple of NESCAC'ers around for the night, and bring at least an ounce of life back to Gorham for the night.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Trials and Tribulations of Glenwood
We are being evicted!! haha jk. But our landlord does owe almost 2k in back taxes. Call us the new Phi Kap minus the having huge parties and taking advantage of freshman girls (yet). Our apartment has been inside of only 1 sorority hoe (so far) so most of us are still clean (for now). We'll now start taking votes on who the next Dyer, George Foster, Tom Scott, Jake Knox, and Matt Martin are. So I guess technically we are Phi Nu? Or Sigma Kap? I don't know which one I like better yet...
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Tomato, Tornado
I'm Pickles and I shit hard.
How 'bout them Bruins? Just watched them break my heart in Game 1. Riley and I had been huddled around my computer since the puck dropped, just to get sent to bed shocked and distraught. Oh and Saylor was there too, not all that coherent.What the fuck was Claude doing, keeping Big Z in front of the net all night? Definitely not where he is comfortable or where he should be playing on offense. Not to mention the off-sides on Vancouver that was never called moments before the game winning goal. Oh well, Boston sports since about 07' have played piss poorly enough in the playoffs to desensitize me to this kind of heartbreak.
Gorham had a tornado warning today. Pretty scary stuff, except I was protecting all the vegetables in town. No, I'm not talking about the Terri Schiavo kind. Actual veggies at Hannaford. It was comforting to know, that if a tornado swept away the Gorham village, I would be spending my last few minutes doing what I love most. Wearing a brown apron over a classy red polo while explaining to the elderly that no, the cucumbers do not come from Spain, or Germany for that matter, and no they will not get E. Coli from them.
Random Notes
How 'bout them Bruins? Just watched them break my heart in Game 1. Riley and I had been huddled around my computer since the puck dropped, just to get sent to bed shocked and distraught. Oh and Saylor was there too, not all that coherent.What the fuck was Claude doing, keeping Big Z in front of the net all night? Definitely not where he is comfortable or where he should be playing on offense. Not to mention the off-sides on Vancouver that was never called moments before the game winning goal. Oh well, Boston sports since about 07' have played piss poorly enough in the playoffs to desensitize me to this kind of heartbreak.
Gorham had a tornado warning today. Pretty scary stuff, except I was protecting all the vegetables in town. No, I'm not talking about the Terri Schiavo kind. Actual veggies at Hannaford. It was comforting to know, that if a tornado swept away the Gorham village, I would be spending my last few minutes doing what I love most. Wearing a brown apron over a classy red polo while explaining to the elderly that no, the cucumbers do not come from Spain, or Germany for that matter, and no they will not get E. Coli from them.
 |
| Nike and Vallo scouting the region for threats of tornadoes. |
- Our kitchen looks like shit right now. It'll smell like shit in the morning too.
- Haven't seen Nike in a few minutes. Hope she pissed somewhere.
- Saylor is officially the 7th roommate.
- The number of intellectually stimulating books our living room has in it right now would cause someone to severely overestimate the level of intelligence in our household.
- I will score higher than Vallo on the Foreign Service Officer's test.
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